Back from a hiatus with a spectacular Freaky Friday offering--The 1984 Golan-Globus martial arts/horror spectacular. First, let's start with the title. You might expect there would be a Ninja 1 and 2 living somewhere in the ether, but you'd be wrong. Israeli cousins Golan and Globus bought the Cannon Group and started churning out action flicks. They picked up on the martial arts craze of the 80's and made "Enter the Ninja" (an utterly forgettable film) followed closely by "Revenge of the Ninja" (the best Ninja film of the 80's--seriously watch it!). When they decided to make "the Domination" it was the 3rd in the series so they called it Ninja 3. Not very inspiring, but hey it was the 80's.
This film is truly amazing--a time capsule of all that was great (and awful) about the mid 80's. If you're homesick for the cheese of the 80's (and who isn't?) then you're in luck.
The plot is actually cool. A Japanese assassin, or Ninja, has been tracked down and shot a gazillion times but manages to escape just long enough to put his soul into an unsuspecting telephone repair woman/aerobics instructor (sounds awesome...I know). His soul uses this attractive vessel to avenge his death. Enter Yamada (Sho Kosugi- master of all martial arts) who must exorcise the spirit and do some Kung Fu on his imortal soul. It's Kung Fu meets the Exorcist and it's TOTALLY AWESOME!
Sorry this movie is no longer in print, but you can see it on Video on Demand on Amazon. Check it out...you won't be disappointed. Well, actually you might be disappointed, but it's only a movie.
Whenever I wonder how Glam Rock could have possibly given way to that unholy pseudo music called "grunge", I need only remember the heights of lunacy embodied by bands like Cinderella. This group embraced every Glam Rock stereotype: Ultra big hair, transvestite pirate outfits, over the top music videos, and attitude like nobody's business. It seems almost oxymoronic that their biggest hit was "Nobody's Fool".....hmmmmm.
By the end of the 80's there were so many Glam rip-offs that the Sunset Strip was populated solely by androgynous crowds moving from one party to the next--ah the good ol' days.
The really tragic element in this scenario is that Cinderella for all their faults (which are legion) they were really a good band. They could play their instruments and lead singer, Tom Keifer, had a great, albeit AC/DC voice. They wailed. Their music was solid, but their bravado outshone their talent. In the end, they were just another Sunset Strip band that went the way of the dinosaur....too bad. Their rookie album "Night Songs" went multi-platinum and their follow up effort "Long Cold Winter" is also a solid album. They kept going even into the 90's and possibly their greatest song, "Hot and Bothered" is featured on the Wayne's World soundtrack alongside Queens uber-hit "Bohemian Rhapsody". Cinderella rocks, but few remember this once heralded quartet; if you want to know why watch this.
I've been preoccupied with other things the last few days, like not laboring on Labor Day. So this is a couple of days late...but definitely worth the wait.
In 1984 (what a great year for movies), this big budget summer blockbuster sparked my imagination like few other movies. For years (and I'm not exaggerating), I wanted to be a paranormal extermination technician (a.k.a Ghostbuster). These guys were awesome--they had great gear (nuclear accelerators, PKE- psychokinetic energy- meters, ghost traps, night vision goggles, etc), they trapped and contained ghosts, and they were geeks.
I even did a great deal of research on the topic. When my dad caught me reading a guide to haunted houses in colonial America, he gave me that look as if to say, "I'm not getting grandchildren, am I?" Well in your face, dad!
This movie stars Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Harold Ramis, Sigourney Weaver-- Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, and Rick Moranis also provide a great supporting cast.
The plot is not bad: Murray, Aykroyd, and Ramis play disgraced college professors who turn their expertise of the paranormal into a ghost extermination business right on the eve of a supernatural explosion of "biblical proportions". They have to fight Zuul--an ancient Mesopotamian god who is back to end the world.
The movie does go a bit astray with a 100 foot marshmallow man, but all in all this script is full of great one-liners and is immensely entertaining.
I give this one 4 1/2 stars (I have to deduct half a point for Mr. Stay Puft)
Hair Metal gave us some of the greatest aggressive exercise music ever made: Kickstart My Heart (Motley Crue), We're Not Gonna Take It (Twisted Sister), and of course Round and Round (Ratt). But these cross dressing maestros were more than just tough guys, they were sensitive men whose hearts could be broken just like yours and mine. Of course, they didn't cry--not only would that be unmanly, they also had the whole mascara issue to deal with. Instead they wrote songs.
There are three criteria that make a song a power ballad: Obviously it is slower (so you can slow dance), the singer has to look incredibly melancholy (extra points if the music video follows a story line where a beautiful model breaks up with the lead singer and/or dies), and it must contain a righteous guitar solo.
These power ballads pull at your heartstrings, and should not be listened to without the expressed permission of your therapist because too much exposure can cause extreme lovesickness.
So here are my top ten power ballads
10. Headed for a Heartbreak by Winger- Kip Winger's hair is awesome.
9. Fly to the Angels by Slaughter- a song about untimely death
8. Carrie by Europe- Obviously a song about a girl named Carrie
7. Alone Again by Dokken- no explanation needed
6. Love Bites by Def Leppard- Great slow dancing song with bittersweet overtones
5. Is this Love by Whitesnake- a philosophical exploration of romantic love
4. Don't Know What You Got (till it's gone) by Cinderella- so true....
3. Home Sweet Home by Motley Crue- This video is the greatest live concert collection ever made
2. Every Rose has it's Thorn by Poison- "To see you cuts me like a knife" one of the greatest lines ever delivered by one of the greatest front men ever
1. Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse- This song takes me back to the skating rink and couples skating with Julie McMillin, tears streaming down my face, and that moment seemed to last forever....
Ah, Kung Fu! The culmination of thousands of years of an ancient culture, the beauty of an entire civilization distilled into a lethal art form. Now set that against a backdrop of inner city struggles, add a Motown soundtrack, and introduce one of the greatest villains this side of Ernst Blofeld and you've got The Last Dragon: the greatest Kung Fu musical ever made.
Stats:
Year- 1985
Rated- PG-13
Running Time- 109 minutes
There are only two kinds of people in the world: those who love this movie and those who have never seen it. (well there might be a third category of people who've seen it and don't like it, but who cares what those people think) Berry Gordy (the Motown legend) produced this little gem. And it does the Motown name proud! This movie stars not one, but two actors with only one name: Vanity (former Prince girl) and Taimak (Martial Arts fitness guru). Neither of them are really proficient actors but they are both real pretty.
Eddie Arkadian (played by Christopher Murney) is a passable bad guy, but the real engine of this movie is the ineffable Sho-Nuff: the Shogun of Harlem. Julius Carry (RIP) carries this movie from beginning to end. Most of the time I find myself rooting for Mr. Nuff and his goons because the good guys are just boring. I defy you to find a better villain in the 1980's (I mean other than Gorbachev).
The plot is irrelevant. This movie is about getting Bruce Leroy (Taimak) and Sho-Nuff together so everybody can get all Kung Fu Fightin' and so maybe the pretty people can kiss in the end.
The last battle between Leroy and Sho is pretty cool, what with the glowin' fingers and what not.
If you really liked Yentl and Terms of Endearment, by all means don't see this flick, but if you like GOOD movies, this cinematic masterpiece will not disappoint.
The soundtrack isn't too bad either. I've got two words for you: DE BARGE.
One of the greatest treasures of Rockdom is Whitesnake's titular album--containing 9 incredible tracks, 3 of which are legitimate top 10 hits. If I were trapped on a deserted island, and were only allowed to take 5 albums with me, this would be on the list.
Whitesnake is not my favorite band (RATT will always hold that position), but I think David Coverdale might be the greatest Front Man in the business...that hair, that voice, that brooding stare. He's got the whole package.
Be honest, the first day you got your driver's license, you know you popped this cassette in the tape deck, put on black leather gloves (or in my case my mom's gardening gloves), turned up the volume on "Here I go again", and drove down to Dairy Queen....feeling alive for the very first time. OK maybe that was just me. And every time I hear "Is this Love", I'm transported back to junior high dances held in our gymnasium...that aroma of romance and sweat socks--my first taste of unrequited love.
"I don't know where I'm going, but I sure know where I've been"....Whitesnake has helped me navigate "the only road I've ever known" and for that I will always be grateful.
So "make up your mind, and don't waste no more time" and give Whitesnake a listen.
Well, you voted, and since I believe in democracy, here it is for your reading pleasure: Police Academy
Stats:
Year- 1984 (a very good year for films)
Rating- R
Running Time- 96 minutes
There was a golden age of cinema; a time when people didn't worry about offending anyone, when people made movies simply to make money (instead of making statements), a time when we just wanted an escape from the threat of total global annihilation. I like to call this time the Guttenberg Era.
This movie contains all the good (and bad) elements of 80's cinema: bad hair, short shorts (on men and women), slapstick, and, of course, Steve Guttenberg. Ol' Stevie made quite of few big name movies in the 80's like: Cocoon, Three Men and a Baby (and the sequel), Diner, and of course it was Guttenberg who launched the Police Academy franchise. And for you Guttenberg fans, another sequel in the 3 Men and a Baby series has been announced--Tom Selleck and Steve Guttenberg have already signed on for 3 Men and a Bride....but back to Police Academy...
The plot is simple. Get a lot of screw-ups together, make them run laps, add a sadistic overbearing task master, and see what happens...actually sounds like reality TV. As in all 80's movies, this rag-tag team of misfits rises to the challenge and proves everyone wrong by becoming exemplary police officers.
There are some funny gags in this movie (like the Blue Oyster Bar), but I didn't think this movie aged all that well. We do get to see Kim Cattrall, Bubba Smith, and Michael Winslow (the guy that makes noises with his mouth), and this movie spun off 7 sequels and a TV show that only aired in Canada (it was actually produced in French).
I really liked this movie as a kid, and as an adult I found it sort of funny. I'm going to give this movie 2 1/2 stars mostly for the sake of nostalgia. It's not a bad movie, but I will probably wait a while before watching this again. (although I probably will watch it again....)
Since I've had so much fun writing about cheesy movies, I thought I would reflect on the golden age of music--those days when dudes with long hair, stiletto heels, and makeup roamed the streets of Hollywood--the zenith of guitar virtuosos and lead singers who were more concerned with stage presence than actual vocal ability--that magical music was Hair Metal (a.k.a Glam Rock).
I'll begin with my all time favorite Hair Metal Band: RATT
RATT is comprised of:
Stephen Pearcy- Lead Vocals, Front Man, Swagger
Warren DeMartini- Lead Guitar,
Robin Crosby- Guitar (RIP)
Bobby Blotzer- Drums
Juan Croucier- Bass
I remember my first introduction to RATT. My brother brought home their cassette entitled "Invasion of Your Privacy", and from the moment I heard the first riff of "You're in Love" I was hooked: transported from rural Louisiana to the SunsetStrip at the Whiskey Agogo. I was mesmerized by the blazing guitar riffs, the scratchy, wailing voice of Stephen Pearcy, the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I was listening to something forbidden. (My dad thought the "rock" music of Helen Reddy was too seedy for me to listen to) It represented everything I wanted my life to be. I wanted to grow my hair out, spray it with Aquanet, and tease it out to the breaking point...unfortunately my hair looks more like Greg Brady's than Steven Pearcy's...."hey there groovy chick"
Alas, history has not been kind to the rock gods of Sunset blvd, but RATT showed me there was a larger world out there. They really gave me my first (and last) feeling of rebellion. They made me truly understand the meaning of the phrase: RATT N' ROLL.
RATT N' ROLL indeed!
Here is the song that set me on the road to complete cultural oblivion!
Hello readers and followers of the Fabulous Freaky Friday Post (both of you). I deeply regret my error in not noting the fact that yesterday was indeed Friday the 13th. I missed a wonderful opportunity to talk about one of the great (if not the greatest) slasher series: Friday the 13th. I really don't know what I was thinking. Come on, there were 11 incarnations of the Voorhies family plus a remake (which I didn't actually watch). They even made a 3D movie (which, just to be honest, gave me a headache).
Teens today would find these pretty laughable, but they made me almost pee my pants.
Obviously when you make 10 sequels, some of them are bound to stink. But Friday the 13th IV: the final chapter (oddly named since they made 7 more movies) was actually not bad and featured a young Corey Feldman (who by then was already a veteran actor). I don't really encourage people to watch horror movies anymore, but I did want to correct my oversight.
P.S. Since today is Saturday the 14th, there was a really, really terrible spoof called "Saturday the 14th", I thought I'd mention it. Yes, I've seen it (twice) and it really is as bad as it sounds. Actually, it's a spoof of Bruce Campbell's delightful "Evil Dead", so the title is a little misleading.
Ah, 1984. We got Van Halen's "Jump", Reaganomics, and the most influential movie of my young life...Revenge of the Nerds.
Stats:
Year: 1984
Rating: R
Running Time: 90 minutes
This movie oozes the 1980's: Lovable underdogs beat the odds, become the most influential fraternity on campus, and, of course, start dating cheerleaders. It was my pre-pubescent dreams come true!
The movie begins with Lewis and Gilbert (played by Robert Carradine and Anthony Edwards) leaving for college. They arrive at the fictitious Adams College (filmed at the University of Arizona) and discover that they are outcasts, unwelcome by the ruling class of jocks--the dreaded Alpha Beta fraternity. They are "picked on and put down" but through a series of clever plans they get their revenge on the Alpha Betas and their female counterparts the Pi Delta Pi's.
This movie has heart! The Nerds try to join a fraternity and are rejected; mostly because they send accompanying photos. The one fraternity that gives them a chance is Lambda Lambda Lambda, an all black fraternity--reminding us again that we must look beyond appearances to discover the real person underneath.
The final sequence is a series of contests, which of course the Nerds win, in order to take over the Greek Council. We close with Queen's "We are the Champions" while each person discovers that deep down we're all nerds (i.e. we feel left out). While I write this I'm crying just a little....
One caveat: This movie is rated R for good reasons. I suggest you catch this on Comedy Central or TBS where they have edited out the copious swearing and nudity. But the fact that these channels constantly air this movie is a testament to its lasting greatness (or its ability to crack you up at 1:30 in the morning.)
I give this movie 4 stars: Great story, great heart, geeky kids overcoming the odds, and once again Queen in the soundtrack!
P.S. in the 80's, Queen wrote, produced and composed many soundtracks. These became immortal songs etched in the psyche of America's collective consciousness...not unlike John Williams. Wouldn't that be cool John Williams conducting Queen music at the Hollywood bowl! just a thought!
I've been asked by friends to write about my vast knowledge of bad movies, especially those made in the 1980's. My video collection is a who's who of movies that haven't won academy awards, but are still fun to watch (and even more fun to mock). So each Friday I will regale you with a new movie review.
I'll begin with a movie made in 1980. The fantastic "Flash Gordon" starring Sam Jones as Flash, Topol as Dr. Zarkhov (whom I told was in Fiddler on the Roof), Max Von Sydow as Ming the Merciless, and Timothy Dalton as Prince Baron. This movie has it all: poor script, abysmal acting, over the top sets, and cheesy effects. BUT the soundtrack is by Queen...need I say more. The movie opens with Ming the Merciless attacking an unsuspecting, peaceful Earth. Unfortunately for Ming, Dr. Zarkhov kidnaps Flash Gordon (Quarterback for the New York Jets-a nice touch) and Dale Arden (travel agent extraordinaire) and takes them on a mission to counterattack. Flash immediately challenges to Ming's minions to a backyard football game, he's executed, brought back to life, fights a future James Bond in a flying city, kills Ming by skewering him with a spaceship, and saves Earth. I'm not sure how this movie didn't make money.... But if you're looking for a way to waste a rainy Saturday afternoon, than do yourself a favor and watch this gem from 1980. This movie gets three stars for the soundtrack alone!
